Living with HIVES

*WARNING: this post contains some graphic pictures taken from my personal case of CIU*

So this isn't something I normally talk about, but it's really been bugging me lately. HIVES. Itchy little red sores that keep me up at night. My body can't fight them off no matter the amount of Benadryl I have poured into my body, or lathered on my skin. Oh maybe I should introduce what I'm meaning by all this medical babble; hi, I'm Stephanie and I suffer from Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria, or in a generic term chronic hives. You think when you are stressed and a small cluster of hives pops up you are annoyed well try having yours last for 7 to 12 days, turning into black bruises and your skin being paper thin. Let me just show you the journey.

Christmas Eve 2015 I came down with what stared as a stomach virus that lead to a fever during the candle light service at church and then the hives. After hiding out after the last Silent Night my mother looked over at a pail version of myself and knew something had to be done. So this begins the never ending cycle of ER visits, thyroid checks, gallbladder examinations, steroid packs, an unlimited amount of medicated ointments, and EpiPens.

 

Looks painful? It is. It burns, it's tender and can make you the most self cautious person on the planet. Working in the pharmacy I can't help but think that these people don't want me touching their medications because I'm "infected". People ask, "isn't there something your allergist can do to help you?" Yes, and she is following all the protocols for my insurance. We started out on Allegra and Zantac, yes a stomach medication can be used as an antihistamine, and the occasional Benadryl when needed. Well, Benadryl was still needed multiple times a day with the new medications. I felt like a zombie. Our next step was to have me sleep through the outbreaks so Doxapin was prescribed for sedation. This served its purpose but now I would wake up with swollen lips and not being able to breathe; meaning more trips to the emergency room. Our last step for medication was Singular. This did absolutley nothing and something had to change as the hives only seemed to affect my everyday life more and more. 

We've finally come to our last resort, Xolair. It's a fairly new drug that is used only for patients who continue to suffer from hives that can't be controlled by H1 antihistamines. I read multiple pamphlets that suggest all the worst possible outcomes like cancer and parasitic infections. Bug infections are not particularly something I want in life, but the hives are unbearable. I was tired of living my life indoors for the soul fact that I knew people would look or ask question or whatever, but also you have no idea the pain of hitting your leg ever so slightly on the corner of a table and now your pants leg is covered in blood because your skin was so fragile. Now I live a happy, hive controlled life that I am very thankful for. This is just something that I was compelled to share with the world. Why? I don't know, but I hope this helps someone in the world. 

-Stephanie

Pre Date Jitters

As I'm sitting in my vintage 1960s yellow La-Z-Boy rocker, dressed and ready for a night out with a boy, a very cute boy at that, I'm trying not to vomit. My nails have a fresh paint of "Let's Playa" by Sinful Colors, I've drowned my body in my favorite Tory Burch perfume, and brushed my teeth nearly 12 times since noon. I realized it's  been almost a year since I've been on a real date. Honestly, I'm not sure if I've really been on a "real date" ever.

I figured the best way for to calm my nerves was to blog, or apply more foundation, but I'm already looking a little orange so I better stop now. I'm pretty lost for words right now other than I'm just ready to get there and hug this boy! Let's be honest I'm too awkward to just walk up and hug a person. I instead sit in my car debating weather if I should say hi or heyyyy, but we all know my lips will start moving and nothing will come out and I'll look like an idiot no matter how hard I try. Wow that was lengthy sentence about literally nothing.

I guess the moral of this blog about nothing is that I'm nervous about literally nothing! It will be great, I can already tell as long as I don't do something stupid; but that's pretty inevitable being the clutz that I truly am. And yes, I know that my date for the evening will probably read this and find it completely hilarious or very truthful when this is posted. Hope you guys are having a good weekend!

-Stephanie

The Big Debate

As I sit here painting my nails by the fireplace, that I have actually no clue how to work, with a cup of coffee I should be choosing the next chapter of my life, but obviously I'm not. If I didn't text you in sheer panic and confusion yesterday you probably have no clue what I am talking about. What I'm referring to is college. As I said in the past I have 2 Associate degrees, but me being the overachiever that I am I want my bachelor's!

Achieving the next step in my education isn't the hard part; choosing between two schools is the issue! The University of Arkansas Little Rock sent me first acceptance letter yesterday morning and I made the mistake telling everyone that I was going to be a Trojan. Well to throw a wrench in it the University of Central Arkansas sent out their persuasive acceptance letter also; so does this make me a Bear? People ask where does my heart want; UCA, but my gut says UALR.   

UALR is the convenient and more accessible school. It's close to work, but I like the program at UCA better. I think I may be bias to UCA too. With multiple friends and family bearing the title of alumni I kind of want that too. UCA has been a dream school for quite a while. The only way I know how to make that decision is with prayer and a whole lot of pros and cons list, and maybe cake. Cake might help. I guess we will all have to wait and see where the next chapter takes me.

- Stephanie

Tuesday Thoughts: Anxiety

To some it may seem I have everything together, but in reality I'm a mess. I see people share those video's on Facebook that are title things like "Coping with Anxiety" or "Taking Control of your Anxiety," but honestly I feel that things like that glamorize mental illnesses. Anxiety is not always wanting to be alone in a dark room or possibly thought of suicide; for the extreme portion of the spectrum. Of course, its to each its own. I plan on doing something quite hard for myself; sharing what it's like for me living with anxiety.

I've been known to share only happy things on here, but I would be lying to you if I said that all things were unicorns and rainbows. I can't pin point where my anxiety stems from, but I wouldn't doubt that its genetic. Just like most of the world I hate to be alone, so much so that when someone tries to leave I will break down in tears occasionally. There are days that I sit on my couch all day and not respond to anyone, and there are days when I don't feel good enough for anyone. I overthink everything I say or do with the fear of hurting people.

I feel like there are day where I should be placed in a room with no outlets to socialize, because if I do I tend to annoy people or I feel like I am breaking down relationships. I am in no way an extrovert; I do prefer the quite of my home over any other place, but just because I am home doesn't make it a happy place.

Being a pharmacy technician I do believe that medication can help. Yet sometimes, from experience, I know that there is such a thing as over medicating the problem. I would have panic attacks not just while I was awake, but also in my sleep. Originally I was prescribed Sertaline, it didn't do a thing. Then on to Doxipin with Trazadone, this literally made me the most irritable zombie to walk the earth. I wasn't sure what I was doing 80% of the time. It was horrible!

Sorry this post was kind of last minute and not planned. It was something that has been harping on me for a while and I know I can't be alone in the battle. Of course it's to each it's own. People are different, things don't always affect you how you think they should, and there's always a brighter side!

-Stephanie