Tuesday Thoughts: Anxiety

To some it may seem I have everything together, but in reality I'm a mess. I see people share those video's on Facebook that are title things like "Coping with Anxiety" or "Taking Control of your Anxiety," but honestly I feel that things like that glamorize mental illnesses. Anxiety is not always wanting to be alone in a dark room or possibly thought of suicide; for the extreme portion of the spectrum. Of course, its to each its own. I plan on doing something quite hard for myself; sharing what it's like for me living with anxiety.

I've been known to share only happy things on here, but I would be lying to you if I said that all things were unicorns and rainbows. I can't pin point where my anxiety stems from, but I wouldn't doubt that its genetic. Just like most of the world I hate to be alone, so much so that when someone tries to leave I will break down in tears occasionally. There are days that I sit on my couch all day and not respond to anyone, and there are days when I don't feel good enough for anyone. I overthink everything I say or do with the fear of hurting people.

I feel like there are day where I should be placed in a room with no outlets to socialize, because if I do I tend to annoy people or I feel like I am breaking down relationships. I am in no way an extrovert; I do prefer the quite of my home over any other place, but just because I am home doesn't make it a happy place.

Being a pharmacy technician I do believe that medication can help. Yet sometimes, from experience, I know that there is such a thing as over medicating the problem. I would have panic attacks not just while I was awake, but also in my sleep. Originally I was prescribed Sertaline, it didn't do a thing. Then on to Doxipin with Trazadone, this literally made me the most irritable zombie to walk the earth. I wasn't sure what I was doing 80% of the time. It was horrible!

Sorry this post was kind of last minute and not planned. It was something that has been harping on me for a while and I know I can't be alone in the battle. Of course it's to each it's own. People are different, things don't always affect you how you think they should, and there's always a brighter side!

-Stephanie